turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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