That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
