i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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