chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
