just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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