Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
