worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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