his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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