Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He shit in the fireplace
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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