I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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