Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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