I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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