I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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