I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this will be a night to untag.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
