Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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