just come out here and I will go home with you...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
