Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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