I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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