Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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