i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Couch. On fire.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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