and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
did i just pee glitter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
