the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
