I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
are you so shy because you have an std?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
