It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
