Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
