doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
