My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
