I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
