Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
