My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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