Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Randomize
