rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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