Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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