Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
