Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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