The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry about my life...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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