just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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