Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
