I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
