why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
