He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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