so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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