I want to make a zoo with you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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