I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
