I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
