I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
