I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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