Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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