I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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