Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
