if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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