I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
