I'm drive I can fine osifer
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My ATM looks so different sober.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
