Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
