You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
