I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The Olympian is in my bed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
