I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
jump out the window naked night went bad
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