I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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