I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
