I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Bring me that man meat
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
