I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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