I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Randomize
