is your mom at the bar?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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