Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
