I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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