My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.