I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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