The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.