Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
