Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize