Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
