My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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