Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
