I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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